For some reason, I thought I’d put up a post regarding this issue in the past, but I can’t seem to find it.

Anyhow, a few months ago, there was this girl who showed up at my Meetup, who we’ll call “G”. I was hosting the Meetup, and was in attendance with my boyfriend, The Guy I Am Currently Dating. Since she did not know us, I introduced myself, and although I believe I introduced us as a couple (though I can’t be certain), it was likely clear in that we were holding hands and sitting next to one another all evening. There was nothing remarkable about this girl; a 35-year-old chubby redhead who was neither exceptionally pretty nor horrendous in appearance, but her personality had a way of making people feel uncomfortable.

Since it was a crowded restaurant and we had a table of about 35, I felt the need to speak loudly (project, if you will), in order to make the greatest amount of people feel included. After about 30 minutes of me being social and people largely ignoring her presence, she asked if, at any point, I was going to use my “inside voice”.

Quite rude, from someone I don’t know, but if you’re going to attack me with snarkiness, be prepared to get on my list. I told her, “Sweetheart, I’m an opera singer. We don’t have inside voices.”, and went on with my life. During the dinner, I noticed she spent a great deal of time leaning over the table, as to display her amply revealed cleavage to whatever male she was speaking to at the time. (Not my imagination: three male group members in attendance told me her overtly sexual overtones made them feel uncomfortable when she had left the dinner, and we’d proceeded out for drinks. One of the guys had told me she’d behaved similarly at another group he attended.) I did my best just to chalk it up to “This is a person I don’t care for”, and ignore her—until I went to the bathroom with a friend so we could bitch about this girl—-and when we returned, the seating had somehow been rearranged so that she was sitting directly across from my boyfriend, attempting to engage him in conversation.

Still, I didn’t say a word, and spent the evening conversing with a fun, attractive guy who happened to be in attendance, and a girl who is one of my best friends in Atlanta…but, I let The Guy I Am Currently Dating know I was highly displeased. She later left the event without saying goodbye to anyone, including her hostess, or thanking me for organising said event. (I’m not Emily Post, but I do know proper etiquette when I see it, and when I do not. Very tacky.) After she’d left, I found out not only that she made a few of the guys feel uncomfortable, but was rude to one of the women seated near her. Apparently, her personality wasn’t winning any points.

After that, no word from the girl for 6 weeks or so. Then, out of the blue, she e-mails my boyfriend, who is hosting an event with his group later in the month. In the e-mail, she mentions being in attendance at my dinner (referencing me by name), and that she regretted not being able to talk to The Guy I Am Currently Dating, due to being seated near another person. She also mentions she’d like to get to know him better, and although she realises he’ll be busy on the day of the event, she wants to invite him to dinner beforehand. No mention of me, other than that they met at an event I hosted, or acknowledgement that she’s aware he is not single.

Not wanting to hurt anyone’s feelings, he responded with a polite but pointed note saying that since she invited him to dinner, she must be extending the invitation to me as well, since we’ve been together for over 3 years and met us as a couple. I, who didn’t believe her invitation to him alone was an oversight, left a more pointed message saying “I know things are different in the South, but where I’m from, if you’re going to ask out a guy who’s not single, it’s best to get permission from his significant other first.”

She then did a lot of backtracking, saying that of course the invitation was meant for us as a couple and she wasn’t interested in asking him out, it was just that she only had his e-mail addy. (Being a member of my group, she not only has my e-mail, but my phone number, and a convenient link to my profile via the Meetup site, giving her free ability to message me at any time.) She went on to elaborate about how she was engaged to an investment banker that traveled a lot, and did we not notice her ring? (we did not, and jewelry lover that I am, I would have.) She clarified that she was looking for couple friends to hang out with (despite the fact that her behaviour is consistently that of an available woman, and her alleged fiance is always out of town). In order just to let things go, both The Guy I Am Currently Dating and I accepted the explanation with a laugh, but my iNtuitive sense about people told me she was clearly being less than straightforward.

Yesterday, again, out of nowhere, the Guy I Am Currently Dating receives an IM from “G”. (Why is she IM-ing him, anyway? I don’t even chat with him on IM, and she’d have to still have his e-mail/contact info in order to find him on IM) This passive-aggressive note reads as follows:

A few things about me, for those who don’t know me, that are a bit contrary to the redneck stereotype:

  • I am not from Atlanta, or even from the South.
  • I am an uber-liberal, hippie socialist type with a degree from one of America’s most well-reputed and free-thinking universities
  • I have traveled to well over 20 countries, and speak four languages. I spent over a year traveling on a cruise ship and have lived in London. I’m not sure how far outside of Atlanta I’m meant to go.
  • My field of study was opera and musical theatre, with a minor in creative writing.
  • I was in a particularly non-redneck-oriented sorority
  • I never wear sneakers and rarely wear jeans.
  • I’ve never ridden in the back of a pickup truck. Even mini-vans are a little daunting for me.
  • My ideal night out includes an overpriced martini or three. You’ll never see me with a beer.
  • I do indeed have a pasty Irish complexion about me and could afford to hit the gym (especially on this medication…ugh.) However, this girl was pale, freckled, and had about 30 pounds on me that she wasn’t ashamed to hide. However, her profile photo is of her in lingerie, clearly 15 years younger and 20 pounds lighter than her current appearance. So, pot, kettle, and whatnot
  • When illustrating how classless you believe another person to be, avoid referencing the phrases “barbeque joint and “terrible unsophisticated” to make your point

It astounds me how passive-aggressive people can be. When I confronted her—because confrontation is the way I deal with issues—-she immediately backed down, by leaving my group…and when told she’d be picking her tickets up from me at the Will Call table to attend my boyfriend’s event, she asked if there was a way to directly get them from the theatre staff. When she was told no, she didn’t attend that event, either.

So, should I be flattered that I’m intimidating enough that you hide from me until there’s an ocean between us, and then send a note to my boyfriend (note: nothing to me personally, though I’m far easier to reach.) telling us off?

Probably not. But I’m going to, because I’m kind of redneck like that. And I may appear small and harmless, but once you’re on my bad side, trust me, I’m not. I’m a wonderful friend, and a horribly obnoxious enemy. :)