You are here: Home > Alayna, telephone, Uncategorized > The Epitome Of Ennui….

The Epitome Of Ennui….

“You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly.” – Sam Keen

I don’t really have anything of interest to share today. It’s undoubtedly a “blah” day. I’m not unhappy, but just..”blah”. I’m still sick, still terribly boring, and still not the world’s most fun or inspiring person with whom to spend time, or even with whom to converse.

Very rarely do I have those days when I am on the telephone with someone and there is an awkward lull in conversation, the inevitable “I don’t know what to talk about because my life really isn’t that interesting” pause. I used to think I was quite the boring conversationalist, because I had a friend— one who was later a romantic partner, who is now an acquaintance— and our talks would be filled with those pauses. They made me feel uncomfortable.

I am not uncomfortable with silence, in the company of the right person. There are times when silence, in the company of the right person, is indicative of a thoroughly magical moment or a connection not needing words or a mutual enjoyment of stillness and silence because you’re both in exactly the same space, at exactly the same time—physically, intellectually, emotionally.

In the company of the wrong person, silence is draining. It makes you feel dull and insipid, as if you have no tools with which to charm or captivate another person, and on top of it, so little in common that friendship doesn’t occur naturally. Silence can simply make you feel badly about yourself, and bored with others.

The telephone is one of those mediums that enhance that tendency, and, to come full circle, for a long time, I considered myself a boring conversationalist. Never mind that I had certain friends and lovers with whom I could easily chat for five or six hours on end, even via telephone. The fact that I knew this one person, someone who knew me better than anyone on the planet for quite some time, and we couldn’t converse for more than 20 minutes without awkward silence, that was enough to convince me of my conversational ineptitude.

As it turns out, I’m a perfectly charming conversationalist. It just doesn’t naturally happen with all people. It’s actually a good tool through which I’m able to judge my level of friendship and compatibility with another person. If 60 minutes on the phone seems like an eternity, something is missing. However, to this day, when the “awkward silence on the telephone” starts to make an appearance, I start to again believe that sadly, I’m really quite boring to chat with.

This happened today, for some unknown reason, and I realised it wasn’t simply the phone, or Facebook. Being trapped inside my house, inside my head, inside a body that’s too weak and uncooperative to do what I want it to do in life, it doesn’t give me much to share with others.

Hence, there’s no thought for the day, no blog entry. There’s simply a quote that someone shared on my FB wall, and I realised I liked very much.

I must work on becoming more interesting. Banalities bore me, illness keeps me from adventure, and some days, there simply aren’t any intense feelings or experiences to speak of…or if there are, I’ve required some time off from them. Maybe I’ll watch a movie tomorrow. :P

Tags: , ,

  • Digg
  • StumbleUpon
  • Reddit
  • Twitter
  • RSS

Comments are closed.